Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
