He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
