nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
