you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
