seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
