Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
