she woke up with a sticky ear
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
