You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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