Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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