I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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