Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
