guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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