he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
