I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
