I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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