the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
