Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
