remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
