If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone came in the potted fern
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
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