I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize