i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
