We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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