I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
