Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
