Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
