So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
