Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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