If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
either way he was missing a nipple.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
