My nipple is on Facebook.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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