Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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