when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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