he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
