my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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