I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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