She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize