what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
