i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm at about main and main street
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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