things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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