Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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