the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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