My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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