I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Alive.
So much puke
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
