It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
