Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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