Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
