ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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