Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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