Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He felt like a one man threesome
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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