He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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