this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
