He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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