I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
