He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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