I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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