Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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