angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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