The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
