My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
