hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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