Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
