He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize