white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
